Remember when you wore diapers?

My Mom was 19 years old when this photo of her and Dad was taken holding my oldest brother, Jimmy. I wasn’t born yet.

Do you think she was properly trained for the heavy responsibilities that lay ahead? She wasn't. She didn't even know that she would charter five more kids and run those projects synchronously. Yet she is content and confident in this pic. You can see it in her eyes. Even the chubby baby knows he’s safe. There’s no fear or anxiety about the future. There is only promise ahead. She’s got the leader look down cold because she also adds that intangible aura of genuine concern for the chubby baby. Do you see it? It’s not about her taking a pretty picture. It’s about her family.

Now let’s compare pics. Sam Palmisano wears the mantle of a leader by virtue of his amazing technicolor title: Chairman, President and Chief Executive Officer. I’m not making that up. He’s an amalgam of three top dogs in one! A Chairman, el Presidente, and a c-class executive. The combined titles scream, “This is a LEADER!”



Carefully examine his face in this photo. He’s got the funky “smile for the camera” unnatural pose. Does he look confident? Does he welcome the future and the unexpected twists that it will bring? Does he make you feel safe and cared for? of course, I could just as easily pick on myself. My picture says, "I did something really bad today and I'm waiting to get caught." But this rant isn't about pictures at all. It's about people who care for each other. Leaders care. And Leaders are cared for.

The essence of a leader
I’m biased, but I contend that my Mom sets the highest bar for leadership in the technology industry because she somehow convinced me that today is going to be a good day. So is tomorrow. She told me that I was ready for the future and that I would be successful. Most important, she let me know that there is always someone in this world interested in me and not just my project.

To all of the battle hardened executives in this company who think that I’m talking about soft skill mushy nonsense here, I challenge you to pull out the photo with you in diapers cradled in your Mom’s arms. Did you ever feel more comfortable about the future than you did then?

Mothers Make Natural Project Managers: Part 1

I’m a momma’s boy. I call my Mom every week just to hear her voice, get her views on important decisions, and ask her for $20 for gas. We don’t talk long. We have mutual hang-up pact after five minutes. Click we’re done. Those five minutes are important to me.

My Dad was the undisputed head of the household, but Mom quietly ran the whole show behind the scenes. She taught me to tie my shoes, balance a checkbook, play baseball, fold shirts. Who forced me to sit at the table every night and do my homework? Mom. Who once pinned all six of my brothers, sister and me at one time in a wrestling death match? Mom.

Leader’s don’t complain
Mom has all the answers to the thorny problems in life. For example, I once called her for advice on raising my daughter. In truth, I wasn’t looking for advice. I just wanted to complain about how hard it is to raise a kid nowadays. She quickly set me straight, “Tell it to someone who doesn’t know better. Do you really think that you and your brothers were angels? Your Dad used to say that raising you kids was ‘like raising a litter of six Dobermans … all rabid.’”

Why do we feel that complaining somehow makes a situation feel better? It feels like everybody is walking around with the “need to vent.” Take your situation at this moment, for example. Right now, you’ve got pressure from the job and from the home front. Something is causing you pain or anxiety. You complain about that issue to anyone who will listen. We’re all behaving like nobody’s seen the troubles we’ve seen.

Call my Mom and she’ll set you straight. The conversation will likely end with “Stop complaining and do something about it” or “toughen up you big baby.” She’s earned the right to dispense this tough love counsel because I never heard her say that her problems were unique. I never heard her grumble about how hard it was to raise six rowdy kids. When I was expelled from High School, she responded: “You’re going to work with your dad [a mechanic] on boat engines in the Florida heat from 7:00 am to 9:00 pm while you enjoy your time off school.” Dad got free labor. I learned the value of staying in school.

Leaders don’t complain. They just roll with the punches.

Now a Word From Our Sponsor

TO: Team Members

FROM: Sponsor

You have been selected to participate on the new [project name] team led by John. The team will meet once per week. The activities performed by this team will include:

• Defining the project requirements for each decision gate.
• Committing a closed plan to deliver project scope on [x date].
• Sponsoring change requests to modify product plans based on significant changes to the committed baseline.
• Communicating project status for your deliverables with the project manager to confirm that we have alignment of the piece parts.
• Highlighting project risks in a timely fashion.

You have been selected to participate on this team because you have the knowledge and experience to make important contributions to this initiative. If for any reason you feel that you will not be a productive representative on this team, just let Eddie know.

Regards,
Cornelius Vanderbilt

__________________________________________

Here are the important elements of this letter:

1. Communicates meeting frequency
2. Defines activities
3. Sets expectations
4. Establishes referential authority


Moments after this letter was sent, it became readily apparent that some members of the team never agreed to support your project. How often do you hear, “I don’t have the time for this, go away?” Yes, this letter will trigger an avalanche of resistance from employees who never signed up for the assignment. That’s the beauty of using this letter, since it flushes out resistance early in the process so that you can deal with it.

If a team member’s workload is constrained, then become an advocate for that team member and ask his/her manager to reprioritize that person’s work. Functional managers and sponsors who tell the employee to “just do it” are your worst enemy. You should never be the source of a major work/life balance issue in your team and you shouldn’t have to beg and cajole resources to help. Use your sponsor to help resolve these resource issues.

"Shutup!" is bad word in our house

I fell in a rabbit hole during a meeting this week ... someone started to "data gather" and before we knew it our time was up before we could cover the full agenda. How I wanted to stand up with arms outstretched and yell, "Shutup!" several times during the call, but it was a telecon so the dramatic acting would have been lost on the audience. Besides, my Mom would have probably heard me and driven 8 hours straight up from Florida just to slap me on top of the head.

Nonetheless, the word "Shutup" was flashing like a neon sign in my mind even if I lacked the gumption to yell it. Does the fact that I'm thinking the bad word matter? The answer is 'Yes' because thoughts lead to action; it's the thought that moves us precipitiously close the bad manners cliff. So what can I do to control my thoughts? Hmmm ...

John's Self Indulgent Rules for Meeting Behaviors

If I could rewrite the rules for meeting behavior, here's what my list would look like:

1. Please help me control my bad thoughts - keep the meeting focused and on track.
2. Join the meeting on time so that we don't have to retrace our steps to bring you up-to-speed.
3. Schedule side meetings with core team members to properly vet complex topics.
   
4. Schedule the side meetings yourself (I'm not your admin assistant).
   
5. Better yet, don't schedule a side meeting. Pick up a phone or walk on over to the person and talk.
6. Talk into the wee hours of the night. Explore the subject for as long as you like with every interested person, but do it outside of my meeting.
   
7. Come to my meeting with a crisp summary or proposal of the topic at hand.

As I review this list, it sure does feel a bit harsh. Shame on me.

Managers who yell are confusing people with horses

One etymology of the word “manage” is from Latin manus, hand. The word was originally used by the French to mean to “train a horse in its paces.” Picture a trainer in a fenced ring slapping a horse on the butt to make it canter, trot or gallop.

Managers who yell are confusing people with horses.

The Presentation Salt Mine

I entered the deep, dark presentation salt mine this week to produce a slide deck that presents options to deal with a thorny issue. Several of the options were ... well ... silly. For example, an executive asked us to double the headcount to cut the schedule in half. I can't recall the last time somebody asked me to do that. Most managers now recognize that people are not interchangeable parts, that there is a learning curve to bringing new people on board, and there is communication overhead to leading a larger crew. In short, there no straight line math between resources and schedule.

In any case, we exercised every option to demonstrate our ability to do completed staff work. The slide deck was then reviewed by multiple layers of management in a beautifully choreographed dance of meetings, edits, and updates. One executive with a touch of formatting flair even added a cool blue arrow pointing from one place to another! The finished product was truly elegant. In the reflection on my computer screen, I could see my mouth was slightly ajar as I gasped in awe at the creation.

Slide Junkies

Although the presentation salt mine did produce a stunning work of art, I'm mindful that Lotus Notes will automatically throw it in the trash (delete it) in another three months. I was left to wonder if all the work to produce the deck was worth the cost? Would it have been possible to discuss this topic with no slides? I know that I'd feel a little exposed without my PowerPoint Protection (PPP) force field, but the truth is ... there was nothing on the slides that couldn't be discussed interactively with an archaic process known in the 20th century as face-to-face communication. And here's where I experienced a revelation: when you give a presentation using PowerPoint, people are looking at the slides ... not at you. Maybe we use slides unconsciously to deflect attention?

Let's Just Talk

I challenge progressive managers to accept and encourage fireside chats where you discuss a topic with very little slideware. That cultural change could have any impact on IBM's bottom line. I recognize that executives are busy people and we shouldn't waste their time with ill conceived proposals. So all parties must be prepared. Likewise, they shouldn't waste our time by jamming us into a presentation salt mine for countless hours. After all, there is an opportunity cost to producing slides since the people creating them aren't doing value add work.