NEVER Try this at Work

I was on a long drive with my brother and his girlfriend Kim. We were swapping tips about improving relationships and dealing with difficult people. Kim offered this gem:

When you are discussing your issues or concerns, turn off the TV go to a neutral place like the kitchen table and make sure that one part of your body is touching. Before your mind goes off in the wrong direction, it can be your hand or a barefoot touching, just make sure that one part of the body makes physical contact.

I looked up the word touch in Webster’s and the first definition states, “Handle or feel gently usually with the intent to understand or appreciate.” Why do you touch soft silk? Because you just love the smooth, cool feel. In other words, you appreciate the material. Why do you hold hands when you walk with your date or mate? Holding hands makes it hard to get around fixed posts, but again there is an element of appreciation in that simple gesture.

I think that a simple touch can be a powerful tool to reach a compromise when you disagree on an important issue because it reminds you that your appreciation for that other person is more important than winning the argument.

I hear some tips and say to myself, “I’d like to try that.” I heard this tip and said, “I have to try it.”

Remember when you wore diapers?

My Mom was 19 years old when this photo of her and Dad was taken holding my oldest brother, Jimmy. I wasn’t born yet.

Do you think she was properly trained for the heavy responsibilities that lay ahead? She wasn't. She didn't even know that she would charter five more kids and run those projects synchronously. Yet she is content and confident in this pic. You can see it in her eyes. Even the chubby baby knows he’s safe. There’s no fear or anxiety about the future. There is only promise ahead. She’s got the leader look down cold because she also adds that intangible aura of genuine concern for the chubby baby. Do you see it? It’s not about her taking a pretty picture. It’s about her family.

Now let’s compare pics. Sam Palmisano wears the mantle of a leader by virtue of his amazing technicolor title: Chairman, President and Chief Executive Officer. I’m not making that up. He’s an amalgam of three top dogs in one! A Chairman, el Presidente, and a c-class executive. The combined titles scream, “This is a LEADER!”



Carefully examine his face in this photo. He’s got the funky “smile for the camera” unnatural pose. Does he look confident? Does he welcome the future and the unexpected twists that it will bring? Does he make you feel safe and cared for? of course, I could just as easily pick on myself. My picture says, "I did something really bad today and I'm waiting to get caught." But this rant isn't about pictures at all. It's about people who care for each other. Leaders care. And Leaders are cared for.

The essence of a leader
I’m biased, but I contend that my Mom sets the highest bar for leadership in the technology industry because she somehow convinced me that today is going to be a good day. So is tomorrow. She told me that I was ready for the future and that I would be successful. Most important, she let me know that there is always someone in this world interested in me and not just my project.

To all of the battle hardened executives in this company who think that I’m talking about soft skill mushy nonsense here, I challenge you to pull out the photo with you in diapers cradled in your Mom’s arms. Did you ever feel more comfortable about the future than you did then?

Mothers Make Natural Project Managers: Part 3

My Mom took the grandkids to Brice Canyon, Utah last week. The kids were scared to take the trail ride; they had never ridden a horse before. My Mom told them that if they’d do it, she’d do it. I've heard her say those words to me many times. Once she challenged me to a straight up 400 m race around my high school track to help me prepare for the Latin Forum. Stop laughing, I almost died.

Her challenge this week at Brice had everybody, including a 71 year old grandma, on the dusty trail in five minutes. She forced them to capture a life moment that was dangerously close to evaporating. I don’t know who was more excited, the kids or Mom, when she called me last night to tell me about her first horse ride.

Mom’s still challenging us to take risks. Or maybe she’s simply challenging herself. In either case, Leaders are willing to jump in and live life with you.

Mothers Make Natural Project Managers: Part 2

I called Mom some years ago when I felt an urge to leave my IBM cocoon and told her that Cisco, a company down the road, offered me a job (when they were just starting up). I could continue to work on a big blue crappy 6611 router or jump ship and work for high flying Cisco. The call went like this:

Me: “Mom, this cool fast growing company called Cisco offered me a great job with stock options. Should I take it?”
Mom: “What does Cisco do?”
Me: “They make routers.”
Mom: “You should take the job. You’ve always been good with wood.”

It really wouldn’t matter what Cisco did. If they had made shortening, my Mom would have said, “You’ve always enjoyed good food.”

Mothers are exceptional leaders because they want you feel good about the decisions you make. They also tell you that you can do anything. And believe it.

Mothers Make Natural Project Managers: Part 1

I’m a momma’s boy. I call my Mom every week just to hear her voice, get her views on important decisions, and ask her for $20 for gas. We don’t talk long. We have mutual hang-up pact after five minutes. Click we’re done. Those five minutes are important to me.

My Dad was the undisputed head of the household, but Mom quietly ran the whole show behind the scenes. She taught me to tie my shoes, balance a checkbook, play baseball, fold shirts. Who forced me to sit at the table every night and do my homework? Mom. Who once pinned all six of my brothers, sister and me at one time in a wrestling death match? Mom.

Leader’s don’t complain
Mom has all the answers to the thorny problems in life. For example, I once called her for advice on raising my daughter. In truth, I wasn’t looking for advice. I just wanted to complain about how hard it is to raise a kid nowadays. She quickly set me straight, “Tell it to someone who doesn’t know better. Do you really think that you and your brothers were angels? Your Dad used to say that raising you kids was ‘like raising a litter of six Dobermans … all rabid.’”

Why do we feel that complaining somehow makes a situation feel better? It feels like everybody is walking around with the “need to vent.” Take your situation at this moment, for example. Right now, you’ve got pressure from the job and from the home front. Something is causing you pain or anxiety. You complain about that issue to anyone who will listen. We’re all behaving like nobody’s seen the troubles we’ve seen.

Call my Mom and she’ll set you straight. The conversation will likely end with “Stop complaining and do something about it” or “toughen up you big baby.” She’s earned the right to dispense this tough love counsel because I never heard her say that her problems were unique. I never heard her grumble about how hard it was to raise six rowdy kids. When I was expelled from High School, she responded: “You’re going to work with your dad [a mechanic] on boat engines in the Florida heat from 7:00 am to 9:00 pm while you enjoy your time off school.” Dad got free labor. I learned the value of staying in school.

Leaders don’t complain. They just roll with the punches.

Scope Creep

When I talk about "scope creep" does my team think I'm talking about a person?

Now a Word From Our Sponsor

TO: Team Members

FROM: Sponsor

You have been selected to participate on the new [project name] team led by John. The team will meet once per week. The activities performed by this team will include:

• Defining the project requirements for each decision gate.
• Committing a closed plan to deliver project scope on [x date].
• Sponsoring change requests to modify product plans based on significant changes to the committed baseline.
• Communicating project status for your deliverables with the project manager to confirm that we have alignment of the piece parts.
• Highlighting project risks in a timely fashion.

You have been selected to participate on this team because you have the knowledge and experience to make important contributions to this initiative. If for any reason you feel that you will not be a productive representative on this team, just let Eddie know.

Regards,
Cornelius Vanderbilt

__________________________________________

Here are the important elements of this letter:

1. Communicates meeting frequency
2. Defines activities
3. Sets expectations
4. Establishes referential authority


Moments after this letter was sent, it became readily apparent that some members of the team never agreed to support your project. How often do you hear, “I don’t have the time for this, go away?” Yes, this letter will trigger an avalanche of resistance from employees who never signed up for the assignment. That’s the beauty of using this letter, since it flushes out resistance early in the process so that you can deal with it.

If a team member’s workload is constrained, then become an advocate for that team member and ask his/her manager to reprioritize that person’s work. Functional managers and sponsors who tell the employee to “just do it” are your worst enemy. You should never be the source of a major work/life balance issue in your team and you shouldn’t have to beg and cajole resources to help. Use your sponsor to help resolve these resource issues.

Big ears .... little brain

They say that owners start to look like their dogs.

My dog Andy has very large ears.

He doesn't use them.

"Shutup!" is bad word in our house

I fell in a rabbit hole during a meeting this week ... someone started to "data gather" and before we knew it our time was up before we could cover the full agenda. How I wanted to stand up with arms outstretched and yell, "Shutup!" several times during the call, but it was a telecon so the dramatic acting would have been lost on the audience. Besides, my Mom would have probably heard me and driven 8 hours straight up from Florida just to slap me on top of the head.

Nonetheless, the word "Shutup" was flashing like a neon sign in my mind even if I lacked the gumption to yell it. Does the fact that I'm thinking the bad word matter? The answer is 'Yes' because thoughts lead to action; it's the thought that moves us precipitiously close the bad manners cliff. So what can I do to control my thoughts? Hmmm ...

John's Self Indulgent Rules for Meeting Behaviors

If I could rewrite the rules for meeting behavior, here's what my list would look like:

1. Please help me control my bad thoughts - keep the meeting focused and on track.
2. Join the meeting on time so that we don't have to retrace our steps to bring you up-to-speed.
3. Schedule side meetings with core team members to properly vet complex topics.
   
4. Schedule the side meetings yourself (I'm not your admin assistant).
   
5. Better yet, don't schedule a side meeting. Pick up a phone or walk on over to the person and talk.
6. Talk into the wee hours of the night. Explore the subject for as long as you like with every interested person, but do it outside of my meeting.
   
7. Come to my meeting with a crisp summary or proposal of the topic at hand.

As I review this list, it sure does feel a bit harsh. Shame on me.

Mind Your Own Business

It may be difficult for the technical Project Manager to mind his or her own business. Let me explain. Functional employees (say programmers) are like the engineer on a locomotive. It's a great job. You get to pull levers and stick your head out the window. You are on the front line. You are the first to see an obstacle on the tracks ahead. Very exciting. Many PMs just love to ride in the front locomotive and diddle with the levers. These PMs tend to slow project delivery. Other figurehead PMs like to ride in the front cab just to pull the steam whistle. In either case, these PMs riding in locomotive bother the real engineer.

The mature project manager recognizes his critical role on the project train and stays out of the locomotive cab. Like a train conductor, the project manager is the focal point for project communication. He or she coordinates activities, communicates status, and marshals the resources to respond to emergencies. He supervises rail service to ensure that the train runs efficiently and on schedule. Unfortunately, some of these key responsibilities are neglected when the PM is riding in the front blowing the whistle.

I'd argue that successful PMs let the crew do their job while he or she focuses on developing a high performance team. You are probably on a team right now. How much time does your PM spend developing the team? I'm guessing that the number is exceedingly low <5%. Is that the proper balance? How do you develop a team? It's not as simple as facilitating introductions between all of the team members, folks.

On the Cannball Express project, we're going to deliberately tip our hat to soft skills. We're going to explore the nature of team development throughout the journey. Let's see how it plays out.